Saturday, March 24

taking the easy way out

Confessions of moi:
I do things the easy way; often against my better judgement and against the principles and morals that guide me.
Things that I believe in, that I hold dear, that I judge others by, I let go. I guess this is a natural sequel to my post about stuff that is too hard.
Here is an example: I believe in hanging your washing out on the line. I believe that for the environments sake, I should always use the 'cold' wash, eco-friendly washing products, and then hang my washing out on the line.
We have a beautiful washing line at our new house. A little concrete path leads the way through the slightly overgrown grass(as a budgetary cut I have asked the lawnmower guy to come once a month rather than once a fortnight), to a magnificent sturdy old-fashioned washing line. It comes complete with the obligatory spiderwebs - not too many, not too few, just the right amount. When you hang washing in the optimal way, it can fit three or even four loads of washing. It is a thing of beauty indeed.
And I used it joyfully, for about 6 weeks, until my first trimester exhaustion struck. And then I didn't do any washing at all, for a couple of weeks even, because the mere thought of hanging all that washing out made me feel weary. Yes, for two weeks we scrabbled amongst the various dirty-washing-piles, for shirts that were not stained. At the end of the fortnight, I contemplated simply buying more multi-packs of underpants.
And then a thought occurred to me, a small, malignant thought that buried deep into my consciousness...
I could just use the dryer....
And I did, and oh it was wonderful!!!! You simply pull the washing out of the machine and shove into the dryer, swirl the dial and leave it! And it comes out dry! And soft! And wrinkle-free!
It was the ultimate Fall.
And now, at 13 weeks, with my energy pretty much as good as its going to be for the next year, I'm still using that dryer. I use it several times a week. Sometimes, I use it twice a day.
The guilt is there, yes, it is not without an inward cringe that I swirl that little dial. But I manage the guilt with positive self-talk. I tell myself that I'm looking after myself. That I deserve to have some things easy. And the little voice fades. It's quieter.

Are there things that you do the same? Things that your ethics would deny?


Stacy said...

Oh Rachel. my love, cut yourself a break. You are looking after yourself and you're not going to use the drier forever!! When things are stressful and life is tough, it can be overwhelming. If you can choose some things to do that lessen that stress then do them!! I remember when Beth was a baby saying that I wouldn't use the drier, I would always use the line. I was pretty adamant about it.... then we moved to the Waikato where even if it didn't rain, it was damp and cold all day. I hung the washing out and it never dried! So I had loads of wet washing hanging all around the house for days trying to get dry by the fire. Finally we got a drier and the insanity ended. I made a decision then never to be so adamant about something. Sometimes life's circumstances conspire against us! You are an amazing person who has fought a lot against life's circumstances. You are beautiful, strong and courageous. Don't second guess yourself. Love you xx

Rachel Osborne said...

you always have the best comments ever xoxo

Christine said...

I have decided that a CF child means I can just stuff the planet and not compost. Mea culpa.