Monday, January 28

When the going gets tough...

Sometimes, depression just happens. It actually just turns up when your back is turned, when you're looking out the window, when you're distracted. You might not realize it's there at first, it kinda sneaks up on you... there may have been a trigger, or several that quickly built up. All of a sudden you're writing bitchy comments on facebook and struggling to accomplish simple physical tasks like getting dressed.  You start cancelling pre-arranged dates and appointments out of fear that you will be a bitch to someone you love.  Sure, you need social contact but you somehow know deep down that you're not in the right head space for it. You ain't got the social skills. You know what you do have though? Depression.
Anyhoo, these are some things I do to save myself when I'm in the stew, as it were.
- drink humongous amounts of coffee. Sure, I know I'm addicted to the stuff and I should look into why, but now is NOT the time to go cold turkey on something which, for whatever reason, makes you feel happy and safe. And as far as vices go, its pretty much the tamest.
- all dietary plans are off. I don't mean health just goes out the window... but any restrictions placed on me have to go. They make me depressed. I was trying to go dairy free in case that helped FR's bowel issues, but even that made me sad and bad. Sorry baby, right now mama needs all the dairy she can get!
- I scrap the cloth nappies and go disposable. It may only be for a day, it may be for a week, but heck those things make life easier! I know I'll always go back to cloth, but today I need a break, and I don't feel too awful about it.
- I do fast food. Not always drive through, but if josh ain't cooking, no one's cooking. Not today.
- I accept that I am in pain. I look after myself. Whenever I get depressed,  my fibromyalgia gets bad. And whenever I have a lot of fibro, my depression gets bad. They go together like a less tasty version of peaches and cream. And so I listen to my doctor, and I take the pain-killers. It's not rocket science.
I don't think I'm ever going to really kick my depression to the curb, but neither do I think all the therapy has gone to waste. I'm so much better at being depressed now. I used to have depression and then have depressed guilt on top of that. Guilt about how I had to sleep in every day and buy take-always and eat chocolate and let the kids watch movie after movie. Well, that guilt is mostly gone now. I just do what I need to do to get me through this. Please be patient, in a few weeks I'll be better. See you then!


Simoney said...

Rachel I was meant to see this post.
Flip we have so much in common.
I had no idea you battle with this as well.
Hey luv, if you DO feel like some company but need it to be with someone that gets it... I am around on Wednesday and free as a bird. i could dose you up on coffee. And chocolate. We could sit in the shade and sip lemonade. My little one is away with his dad, so I will have only two big kids to annoy me/play with yours... let me know if it appeals.

Loads of hugs and EMPATHY from

PS home ph 8468700
mob 0211400625

Leonie said...

Big big hugs to you - the depths are unbearable. Look after yourself and sing out if you need anything! xx