This is the kind of mother that I am.
When my children race into my room in the morning because they cannot wait to tell me something, I hiss at them through clenched teeth to GET OUT SO YOU DON'T WAKE UP THE BABY
I sleep in every morning, after turning on the telly for them, and getting them some breakfast. I tell them not to ask for seconds, because Mummy's going back to bed.
I lose my temper and yell at them. This last week? I've done that a lot.
I read parenting books, and feel inspired, but when one of them tests me, all of my knowledge flies out of my head.
They ask to go for walks, to go to the playground, and I give them excuses. The baby's sleeping. The baby needs feeding. I need to do some housework. It's too cold. It's too wet. It's too hot. Anything, just so that I don't have to push my son on the swing.
I lie in bed on Saturday mornings, and listen to them yelling and shouting and driving my husband crazy. I don't get up to help.
That is my legacy. I want to provide you with all the examples of how nice I am(there are 'some', I'll grant you), but this Mother's Day it really just boils down to this. My children love me. They think I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I am the only mum they will ever have. And I'm not cutting it.
Tomorrow they will bounce on my bed and tell me I'm the best mummy in the world. And inside, all I will feel is disgust at myself.
Next year. Maybe next year I will do better.
4 comments:
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This mummy doesnt believe in being a real mummy until after 7am...or mostly 730am. And don't even bring those cold toes into my warm bed!
This Mama is a Mama from 6.30am - 6.30pm - at a push 7pm
Unless your vomiting I don't want to know . . . .
Oh please don't beat yourself up! You are the most wonderful Mummy in the world to them and remember, even your worst is some people's best. Your kids know you love them, that is the most important thing.
We are so hard on ourselves, but those shiny blogs with Mums who 'appear' to be perfect.... Utter utter nonsense!
I am far from a perfect Mum, wife, daughter or anything else...but that's what unconditional love is for. And grace.
I feel like that too sometimes cause none of us is a martyr. I never want to get out of bed but being a morning person does help. My mothering shame is the end of the day. I just have nothing left and the moment hubby appears I just want to run and hide and leave him to it. Kids love us as we are. It's us who don't.
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